Being Blunt and Honest This Week

Hello everyone!

I'm sure you were pretty upset that I didn't write a letter last week. I could list off many excuses of why I didn't, but, lets be very blunt and honest this week. These last few weeks have been the hardest weeks of my life. I have never gone through so much stress, disappointment, sorrow, and regret than ever before. I'm sitting here at a library on campus with ten other Elders around me all writing to their families telling them of all the fabulous experiences they have had and how much they have grown. They sugar coat all of their experiences to make it sound like they are just having the best time... But me... For some reason I don't feel like doing that this week. I have done it at times in the past, because let's be honest, nobody wants to write people over and over again and tell them they are having a really hard time out here. My first "Son" or greenie that I trained, Elder Tubbs, told me he wanted to go home after 3 days. That pretty much stinted the work for the rest of the week. Then I get a new companion who is my "Step Son". He has been out two and a half months. I am finishing training him. Elder Welsh is a fantastic missionary. Better than me. He is a fabulous teacher and really loves the people. He became so close to people in his first area, that he was absolutely pissed that he had to get transferred here to Gainesville. He is now starting to like it, but a few days ago he told me he was thinking of going home also. He is naturally one of the most disobedient missionaries I know that listens to the nearby radio station, walks around in his G's and does not want to follow the rules. As for me, not being a good companion, I stoop to his level, and now we have been really disobedient. Nothing bad enough to get us sent home or anything. Don't worry. I hope every missionary has to go through something like this because it sucks, and it makes you feel like your waisting your time out here when your disobedient.  The AP's called only 15 missionaries in the whole mission to participate in a 40 day purification fast. Coincidentally, they called me right at this time? Yeah I don't think so... So I have promised the Lord to repent and strive to overcome the sins, temptations, and other things that poke at my spiritual sensitivity. Since yesterday I have been striving for exactly obedience and I have experienced the Atonement in a new way. There is a huge difference in our success as we are obedient, faithful, and confident in the Lord's promises. I have already seen the Lord being merciful to me, and we had a miracle investigator come into our life yesterday. We met a man that has been prepared by the Lord for several weeks now. I'm pretty sure he will get baptized in three weeks. WE have NO teaching pool right now, and we are fighting against the natural man, but still striving to stand above the world and to declare repentance until these my brethren. God is love and mercy. He knows each of us better than we know ourselves, and we is waiting to bless our lives we just have to be willing to accept these gifts. We can, and we should experience the Atonement each and everyday. Yes, even missionaries make mistakes ha ha. 

Love you all! Happy 4th

Elder Tubbs and Elder Greenlaw